I guess I'm blogging to tell you that there is no news. I've not tested again because I just know that it's a waste of money and that it's not our month.
I'm still waiting for my period so that we can get on with our next cycle of Clomid. I don't think that we're going to do the IUI this next cycle but possibly the cycle following. We're still working out the financial end of it.

When we got engaged, I became overly focused on planning our wedding. I worked endlessly on every last detail to make sure that it was just as I wanted it. But in the end when the wedding day finally came, it still wasn't exact or perfect. There were things that I couldn't anticipate (we didn't "kiss the bride"!?) and I should have learned then that no matter how much time or energy you put into something, you can't make it perfect.
But then after the wedding was over and real life settled in, my focus moved to baby. I knew that there were issues of infertility on my side but despite that I had hope. That hope turned into a mission. It's been six months into that mission and I'm exhausted. Every month is a new trial where I face that ultimate question of whether we're successful or not. It's time for me to step back and let things run their own course. I know in my heart that we're doing everything possible and the rest is in God's hands. This isn't easy for me to say, by any means. Putting things in God's hands means letting go of them from mine.

I've learned that I'm a bit of a control freak. Okay, so maybe I've known it for some time.... I have learned that I need control or a focus on something all the time. I'm a busy body and hate being idle. Today I multi-tasked having a soup/chili luncheon with friends along with painting the kitchen. I just like keeping myself occupied. I think it's more of a need, actually.

So now that I'm feeling the desire to give up some of this control on our fertility front, my mind is naturally looking for it's new focus.

I've not been happy with myself for quite some time. I've lost a lot of self confidence that I used to take pride in having. My weight has become an issue that I've not dealt with before. If you didn't notice before now, I also have a blog where I have been tracking my journey to lose weight. It's been more of an active blog because it's a daily struggle where as our fertility comes and goes during the cycle.

So if you're a follower, check between the both blogs to stay informed! Cause you know we are just the most exciting to read about! :) There are links on the left to find the other blog.....

Till next time....